Good Sex :
How To Have An Orgasm

Written by Alex Robboy

Dear Angie,

I am wondering what EVERYTHING means.

1. Do you masturbate? Many women find it easier to have an orgasm from solo-sex (masturbation), than from two-person sex. Have you ever tried the Jack Rabbit? The Jack Rabbit is an excellent type of vibrator for women with difficulties having an orgasm. The Jack Rabbit vibrator combines vaginal and clitoral stimulation. Each form of stimulation has it’s own separate control system to more specifically fit your bodies needs. It, can be purchased at most sex toy shops or online.
    

2. When you are with a partner, what does your communication with him/her look like? When something does not feel good how do you let your partner know this? How do you let your partner know when something feels particularly good? Or you would like to experiment with something new? Often, women have difficulties having an orgasm with a partner because they are not sure how to communicate to a partner their likes & dislikes.
    

3. Do all your past lovers know that you have never had an orgasm? And if so, how have the two of you tried to work on it? Often, the pressure of having an orgasm is so great, that women (and men) find themselves telling their partners that they have had an orgasm when they really didn’t just to make the other person feel good, or stop. Unfortunately, sometimes when partners are told about the ‘orgasm’ issue, they shut down because they feel like you do not want them sexually (ie. You are not turned on by them, or you would have had an orgasm).
    

4. Partners, have the unique ability of doing sexual things to you that you could never do for yourself. Not only can they give you oral sex, while touching your g-spot with their finger, but they can ‘keep going’ even when you might have stopped.
    

5. How good are you at being ‘selfish’ and receiving pleasure? Do you feel like you are always needing to give? Could you comfortably have an entire evening where you never (or almost never) touched your partner and she/he did all the giving? Women sometimes experience difficulties with having an orgasm because they feel uncomfortable receiving. Learning how to relax and enjoy the moment can be difficult.
    

6. How do you know when you are relaxed? Having an orgasm is a physical response to stimulation. Thus, if one can learn to relax enough, your body will naturally take care of itself. To relax some women have found that two forms of stimulation is necessary. One of the types of stimulation is what will make you excited enough to have an orgasm, while the other form of stimulation is designed to ‘distract’ your brain long enough to let your body take over. For example, some women who are very uncomfortable with anal stimulation have found that anal stimulation combined with oral sex will allow them to orgasm. Some alternative healers recommend getting high on marijuana specifically to learn how to have an orgasm. Marijuana, they report is operates as a relaxant. However, with this being said, Marijuana is an illegal substance and considered by many to be a ‘gate-way’ drug to very addictive substances.
    

7. What makes you so sure you have never had an orgasm? In my practice, I have found that many women who initially complain that they have never had an orgasm are indeed orgasmic. The problem is that they do not have realistic expectations of what an orgasm is. Contrary to popular opinion, orgasms do not always ‘rock your world’ and make you see stars.
    

8. Lastly, what will be different once you have had an orgasm? How will your sex life be improved? What do you imagine will happen?
   
   Once you address these specific questions, I will be in a better position to further address your needs. There are many different ways to approach helping women (or men) who have never had an orgasm, but before I offer any one specific ‘treatment’ procedure, a clear understanding of where the problem may stem from. Hope this helps. 
   
   P.S If you have any suggestions, tips, or tricks about ways that you either learned how to become orgasmic, or how you taught your partner to become orgasmic, please send an email to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com . Thank you.
   
   For more tips written by this author please go to http://www.howtohavegoodsex.com
    

Better Sex Resources

		The Ultimate Sex Guide
		The Ultimate Sex Guide is an online resource for couples seeking to to improve their sex life.  Learn how to give, receive  and heighten orgasms using their extensive range of articles, downloadable videos and live help desk.
		Better Sex - How To Videos
		"Becoming Orgasmic" (illustrated - left) is one of 151 educational movies available from Gameslink. Presented in a tutorial style, these movies are NOT pornographic (although you may find yourself turned on!)  You can order order in a variety of formats, including VHS and DVD, or if you prefer not to have the movie hanging about at home, you can view instantly via VoD-live streaming, or VoD-downloadable, which you can download to your PC and view later.

Copyright Erika Lawal 2002-2003